So today I decided to write to those people out there wondering how to loose weight and keep it off. I figure I am an expert on it since I have managed to loose over 100lbs since I’ve moved to Cali and I have yet to gain any of it back. So here we go you’re going to need a few key things the biggest is motivation or hate which ever one you can consume for the longest period of time (I’m talking months) and a minimum wage job, And a girl or two. (For women a man is not frowned upon but a girl is much appreciated)

Step one
You will need to use your motivation and or hate to wake you up every morning and tell you to get off your ass and go work out. Now this does not have to be the gym this can simply be walking running or jogging which is a must if you’re too fat to do either I don’t know what to tell you. If you don’t like to do either sorry you’ll be fat for a long time. Walking is one of the best exercises your body can do to burn off the calories. So get you a cassette walkman, a 10sec anti-skip protection CD player, or an expensive ass iPod and hop to it. gradually get your body conditioned for it when you start out walk for a total of about 25 or 30 min then as you get use to it try to jog off and on for maybe 15 min. keep your cell phone close just incase you pass the puck out and need a paramedic because trust me fat people this will hurt your heart. You have to keep your motivation on your mind. My motivation was that my bro would take me to cheesecake factory if I lost the most weight and if he lost the most I would treat him to Dave and Busters. Now I wanted the cheesecake badly and I didn’t want him to win thus a bit of motivation and hate was involved. Maybe you can motivate yourself to see more of your penis or fit into those little person designer clothes that they rap about in every record that never come in big and tall sizes. Other great exercises to add to your routine are jump rope, skateboarding, basketball, & swimming yes I have done them all to accomplish this beautiful physique I have obtained.

Step two
A minimum wage job will guarantee you a few things. The fact that you will almost never to be able to pay anything on time. Also that you will have to barrow a few dollars till next paycheck that you will not be able to pay back on time. And the reason why you will eat unhealthy food off the dollar menu at various restaurants because you can’t afford much else. The reason you will be pissed and thinking about robbing people every week. and the reason why you will never have a place of your own to stay in. but just realize that if you have a minimum wage job you cant afford to eat healthy but you also cant afford to eat a lot so while your getting cheap bad for you food just don’t buy a bunch of it and it will all work out. You may even starve for a while since you have a minimum wage job.

Step three
A girl that you can have all the sex you want with all the time. It will boost your ego to know that you can go for so long without getting tired or weak. And that you can finally lift her up and do that position you’ve been dying to try since you invented it. Every man has invented a sexual position or at least has one that he wants to try before it’s all over for him. But sex is great aerobic exercise that is also stimulating. They should have that area in the gym. She will also be the reason you split a lot of food when you go out meaning that full steak is only half with her cause you can’t afford to buy two on a minimum wage budget. That’s why we only eat appetizers’ cause you get a variety for a little bit of money. But the buffet is a wonderful place I know just try to stay away if you haven’t received a raise or holiday pay. And if you’re balancing two or more girls you are just going to see the pounds fall off.

Hope this is helpful to everyone out there I know it’s not the most grammatically sound article or blog you will ever read but hey I’m a comedian not an English teacher. oh yea if you’re using a walkman make sure you carry extra batteries a pack of the heavy duty brand should do you fine and it wont hurt your minimum wage pocket too bad.

ok so once again Fam ROARRRR!! you know what it means